I was sat in my car earlier, knitting, waiting for Flynn to come out of school, it was pouring with rain (again), Taylor Swift was playing quietly. I was thinking about the weekend and how Lily and I were going to spend our boy free time. Then it dawned on me not only were the weekends coming around super fast but today was the last day of month one,The month of new beginnings.
And now let us welcome the New Year
full of things that that have never been.
Rainer Maria Rilke
That's 31 days or 744 hours of my life over.
Did I make the most of them.?
Did I live in the moments, and not in the past or in the future?
I'm not sure that I did.
I do believe that life around here, especial my life is lived very haphazardly. It's not that I'm really busy, I'm probably one of the luckiest ladies in the world when it comes to free time. I don't work, I don't have a husband, and I live in a new house that doesn't really get that dirty. However I can not help but think that the house is a reflection of how my days are passing it's pretty chaotic around here, it's rather untidy and nothing seems to be very organised. I was always such a tidy person almost to the point of having OCD before my life was turned upside down. Now one day just seems to merge into the next. Hours, days, weeks just seem to happen.
Then this happens, I have one small moment when I remember to stop, I mean really stop and take a deep breath and it's then I realize another 31 new beginnings have passed and I can barely remember any of what has happened in these passed days.
So I need to change, I want to change.
I want to start living consciously, being awake with intention.
Being mindful every day.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, so if anyone is reading this and has any suggestions I'd love to hear them.
Anyway I'm going to do this and it starts tomorrow.
~ Two of my favourite things are knitting and reading, and the evidence of this often shows up in my photographs. I love seeing what other people are knitting and reading as well. So, what are you knitting or crocheting right now? What are you reading? Take a photo and share it either on your blog or on Flickr. Leave a link below to share your photo with the rest of us! ~ Ginny
This is my first week to join Ginny and lots of others for the Wednesday Yarn along
The aim is to share what you are knitting and what you are reading.
On my needles is the start of a dress for a knitting toy I've made and I am reading Simple Abundance.
There's an entry for each day of the year but I love to just dip in and out of it, it's always on the bedside table or on the table downstairs with my knitting.
Today I'm grateful for,
For the beautiful sunny afternoon,
Enjoying a cup of tea sat outside,
All the green shoots coming up in the garden,
Spending the day with Tallon and Lily (inset day),
Enjoying a peaceful evening of blogging and knitting.
Blogger it has been a week since my last confession post.
It hasn't been the greatest week lots of emotional downs. I believe that the lows felt worse than they have done before because it felt like such a fall after having such a good week the week before.
This is partly down to the break up of my marriage and partly down to living with Bi-Polar
of which I was diagnosed as having two years ago.
When living with Bi-Polar your behaviour can be so irrational that building good relationships with colleagues, friends, and families can be hard. However rebuilding them is so much harder, you can do so much damage to these relationships during your highs and lows. Real friends are always there for you but unfortunately it is just to much for others, they just find it to hard to live through it with you. It's not surprising really considering some of the behaviour that can accompany this disease.
You can feel very lonely and very out of control at times. I tend to hurt and push the people I love the most away rather than ask them for help. This weekend was one of those times. So much damage can be done in a very short time.
However, I have been to see the Mental Health team at the local hospital today and I'm going to have a review of my meds and hopefully get into talking therapies as soon as possible.
Right that's enough of that
Here's a selection of photo's from one of my favourite places. I love to walk around these gardens whatever the weather.
Today I'm grateful for,
The chance to wake up and enjoy another day, For the love of my children, For good friends For new friends Joanne x